Gray Divorce: Navigating Divorce Later in Life

If you are going through a divorce after middle age, rest assured that you are far from alone. Research by Bowling Green State University found that the divorce rate for people aged 65 and older tripled between 1990 and 2021. While getting divorced is a huge challenge at any age, older couples can find the process particularly complex.

Getting the right support during this time is crucial. While trusted friends and family play the biggest part, the right divorce attorney can navigate you through the divorce process successfully. From dividing assets to questions of spousal support, health insurance, and other concerns, an experienced and compassionate family law attorney can help you face the future with greater confidence.

This post will explore the reasons for the growing trend of gray divorce and how, with the right support, you can navigate this major transition and overcome its unique challenges.

Gray Divorce – A Growing Trend

Since 1990, the divorce rate for younger couples has declined, while divorce rates for people aged over 50 have more than doubled. Several factors may contribute to this growing trend to take separate paths after maybe spending decades together and raising a family.

Verywell Mind highlighted the most common reasons couples choose to divorce later in life:

• Empty nest syndrome: When children grow up and leave home, the dynamics between husband and wife can change. Some couples find they have few shared interests, drift apart, and may look for fulfillment outside their marriage.

• Financial disputes: Older couples face the prospect of navigating retirement, which may represent a huge change in their finances. Arguments about money may increase. Some couples experience financial infidelity, in which one spouse hides bills, bank accounts, or debts from the other, increasing dissatisfaction.

• Infidelity: The betrayal of infidelity is another reason some couples decide to end their marriage. The loss of trust after building decades of shared memories can be too hard for some to overcome, or reconciliation cannot be otherwise achieved.

• Societal changes: While certain generations may have been raised with the idea that they would get married, raise a family, and grow old together, this expectation has gradually changed over the course of their lifetimes. Divorce no longer has the stigma it once had for many people. Additionally, greater financial independence for women and even increased life expectancy all contribute to the trend of gray divorce.

Whatever the reason for your divorce, this milestone represents a major transition. There are emotional, financial, and legal hurdles to overcome before you can get the best out of your new life.

Dealing With the Emotional Impact of Gray Divorce

The end of a divorce that has lasted for many years comes with unique challenges. However, with the right emotional support, you can overcome them and thrive again. The following are some feelings people commonly experience, which is perfectly understandable.

Sadness

Grief over the end of a marriage could be combined with regret over spending so much time in a relationship that ultimately ended. Some people find it hard to maintain the social connections they once had as a married couple, which can lead to isolation. The key to managing these feelings is to avoid focusing on the past and look to future possibilities.

Anxiety

Late-life divorce can mean huge changes at a time when we may have settled into comfortable routines. Divorce means new living arrangements and possibly a new home. We may also have anxiety about our financial security. This is why it is so important to seek sound divorce advice to help you navigate financial disputes and explore options for financial support.

Anger

It is natural to feel a measure of resentment, especially if it was not your choice to end the marriage. Some may also feel embarrassed at having gotten divorced, which can increase feelings of anger. However, while this is a natural feeling, wallowing in anger can be detrimental to our physical and emotional health if it continues in the long term.

Relief

If you have been in a difficult, or even abusive, marriage, you may be overwhelmed with relief when your divorce comes through. However, this can unleash conflicting emotions, with some people feeling guilty that they are not mourning the end of their marriage.

Seek support

There is no shame in reaching out to others for emotional support when going through a late-life divorce. Trusted friends and family members are key to helping you avoid isolation and embrace the new possibilities divorce opens up.

Talking to people who have been through similar experiences can be beneficial. They can empathize with what you are going through and share what helped them. Perhaps they can also highlight the positive aspects of your new situation so you can regain balance.

Finally, seek professional help if needed. Divorce brings unique challenges, and a counselor or support group may provide the guidance you need to navigate this time successfully.

Maintain and seek new friendships

Maintaining your social connections is also vital for your emotional health. Surround yourself with positive people who encourage and energize you. Also, be open to new friendships and relationships.

Navigating Financial Challenges

When younger couples divorce, they have years ahead of them to work on their finances. On the other hand, older adults may have fewer working years left or may have already retired. An experienced divorce attorney can help you navigate these financial considerations so you can move on with your life on as secure a footing as possible.

Division of retirement savings

If you are approaching retirement, your 401k retirement funds may be one of your biggest assets. In Arizona, retirement savings are considered marital property. If both spouses work and pay into the fund, the divorce court may divide the retirement funds between them.

What if only one spouse worked and paid into the 401k or other pension plans? A Arizona divorce court may rule that only the spouse who paid into the retirement plans deserves the asset. However, it may also rule that the other spouse should receive cash, property, vehicles, or other assets of equal value. If these do not exist, the 401k may be split.

Another option in Arizona is a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QRDO). This is for couples who amicably decide that they want to split a 401k. However, this must be signed and filed correctly. Otherwise, there could be complications if one spouse dies before reaching retirement age. An experienced Arizona divorce attorney can ensure this is done correctly to reduce the possibility of future financial disputes or complications.

Spousal support

Also called alimony, spousal support is money paid by one spouse to another after a divorce. Under Arizona law, temporary alimony may also be paid during the divorce process. Alimony is decided by the court and may last temporarily or indefinitely.

Either spouse can request the court to award alimony. Usually, the alimony award will not extend longer than the length of the marriage.

Some factors that affect spousal support awards include:

• The duration of the marriage

• The recipient’s finances and earning capacity

• The paying spouse’s ability to sustain spousal support payments

• The recipient’s contributions to the education of the paying spouse

• The time spent out of the workplace providing childcare

• The fault of a spouse, such as adultery or domestic abuse

Spousal support is designed to help a financially dependent spouse transition into financial independence. Many spouses may need this support as soon as the divorce process begins. However, temporary alimony will not be awarded automatically.

When you meet with your Arizona divorce attorney, explain your financial situation. He or she can advise you on your rights to spousal support. If the lawyer agrees to take on your case, he or she can file a Motion for Temporary Order with the Petition for Divorce so that you are not left without financial support.

Division of assets

Married couples may acquire many joint assets, including a home, vehicles, and other property. In divorce proceedings, Arizona works based on the equitable division of assets, yet this does not mean they are necessarily divided 50/50. Typically, though, the longer a couple has been married, the more likely the court is to decide that a 50/50 split is equitable.

It’s important to consider whether property and debts are considered separate or marital property. All the assets and debts either spouse accrues during the marriage are usually considered marital property. Separate property could include inheritance, gifts, or assets and debts one spouse brought into the marriage.

Not all Arizona divorce cases go to court. A divorcing couple may reach an agreement over the division of marital assets through negotiations involving their divorce attorneys.

An experienced lawyer can guide you through these proceedings. While an amicable solution may save a lot of stress, your attorney can help ensure you gain as much financial security as possible moving forward.

Health insurance

For some, facing the future without their spouse’s employer-sponsored health insurance could be very concerning. As we get older, we typically face more health issues, so ensuring you have coverage in place is vital. Your divorce attorney can help you explore the options available to you so you are not unprotected.

Social security benefits

In Arizona, an ex-spouse may be entitled to Social Security benefits on the basis of their former partner’s work record. Here are some of the considerations:

• The marriage must have lasted for more than 10 years

• The ex-spouse must not have remarried

• The ex-spouse must be aged 62 or older

• The benefit your ex-spouse is entitled to receive based on his or her work is less than the benefits that would be awarded based on your work

• You are entitled to Social Security retirement or disability benefits

Explain your financial situation in detail to your divorce attorney. He or she may then be able to guide you through the complex maze of regulations and options available to help you remain financially secure after your divorce.

Legal Considerations in a Gray Divorce

If you are preparing for divorce, you may envisage a lengthy legal battle culminating in a day in court. However, it does not need to be that way. There are a couple of legal options that can speed up and simplify the divorce process.

Mediation

The goal of mediation is to attempt to resolve disputes between divorcing spouses. In Arizona, attending at least one mediation session under most circumstances is mandatory before your case can proceed to the court system. The cost will be divided equally between the two parties.

With the support of your divorce attorney, mediation can be used to resolve many issues. These may include division of assets, spousal support, and property disputes. It is generally a much cheaper and less stressful alternative to a long, drawn-out court battle.

No-fault divorce

In the past, it was only possible to obtain a divorce on the grounds of fault. This could include adultery, desertion, or abuse. Since 1987, couples in Arizona have been able to choose a no-fault divorce, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for going on separate paths. This can simplify the process.

However, do not allow your spouse to pressure you into a no-fault divorce if this is not right for you. Discuss your situation with your divorce attorney and discover the right strategy for your situation.

Let Brown Family Law Guide You Through Your Gray Divorce

At Brown Family Law, we understand that going through a divorce after many years of marriage can be overwhelming. Older couples need support, compassion, and time as they navigate the divorce process. We aim to be a reassuring, guiding hand throughout all the proceedings. When we are on your side, we work for your long-term benefit.

Brown Family Law divorce attorneys work hard to minimize disputes and find mutually acceptable solutions. Our mediation services can keep negotiations calm and productive as you move toward a resolution. We will also try to keep your legal fees down and help you move on confidently with the rest of your life.

It may only take one phone call to set your mind at ease. Call 208-987-7005 to talk to a caring divorce lawyer and discover your options today.

Photo by Deleece Cook on Unsplash