Empty Nest Divorce: Starting Over After the Kids Leave Home

When children grow up and leave home, married couples enter an entirely new phase of their relationship. Without the kids to take care of, some spouses begin to feel disconnected from each other. Parents whose children have left home may feel lonely, depressed, and without purpose.

These and other marital challenges can lead a long-married couple to divorce. Empty nest divorce is becoming a widening trend. In fact, among adults age 50 and older, the divorce rate has roughly doubled since the 1990s.

In this article, we will look into various aspects of empty nest syndrome and explain why it may lead to divorce. We will also consider some positive coping strategies to help you successfully start over after the kids leave home.

Empty Nest Syndrome Explained

Empty nest syndrome refers to the sadness and other complicated emotions that parents often experience when their children leave home. After a couple has dedicated a significant amount of their marriage to raising a family, the initial period after the kids are gone marks a notable shift in their lives.

At first, facing an empty nest can feel strange and overwhelming. Since parenting is often all-consuming, some may feel adrift when their kids are no longer around – as if their priorities have been turned upside down. Some spouses report experiencing a loss of identity.

When children move out, couples must adapt to a new routine, redefine their roles, and establish what their partnership will look like going forward. For some, this represents an exciting new chapter in their relationship; for others, it can present significant challenges that merit serious consideration.

Frequent characteristics of empty nesters

Not every parent experiences the same intensity of emotions when children leave home. However, common characteristics of empty nesters include such issues as:

• Feeling a lack of purpose: Raising children has been the focus of your time and attention for possibly decades. When life suddenly no longer revolves around the schedule and needs of your kids, you may feel like nobody needs you anymore.

• Feelings of emptiness: Without your kids around all the time, you may be overwhelmed by the silence. It may seem that your life was full of activity, but now it’s empty.

• Feelings of loneliness: When kids initially leave home, some parents may feel like there’s a giant hole in their hearts. You may spend time with your spouse, other family members, or friends – but the feelings of loneliness are still there.

• Feelings of worry and anxiety: Realizing that you are no longer responsible for your kids can lead to excessive worry and anxiety on their behalf. A parent’s imagination may begin to run wild, making it difficult to let go.

• Feeling excessively emotional: Some parents find that even relatively small things will set them off emotionally after the children move out. Things that would have had little impact in the past may begin to make you feel over-sentimental. Whether it be a photo, an old toy, or an activity, constant emotional triggers can be exhausting.

The emotions stirred up by an empty nest may force you to stop and evaluate various aspects of your life. For many couples, this is a sort of crossroads in life, for which they must stop and honestly consider how they would like to move forward.

The stages of empty nest syndrome

At first, you may feel like your heart will never heal now that your children are no longer with you. These are understandable feelings. That said, most parents begin to adapt as time goes by.

The 3 typical stages of empty nest syndrome are as follows:

• Grief: When children first leave home, you may feel overcome by feelings of sadness and loss. You are effectively grieving the loss of the family life and routine you were accustomed to.

• Relief: After a few months, you may begin to appreciate the time you now have to focus more on personal interests. After years of putting your kids’ every need first, it can be refreshing to have a little time for yourself.

• Joy: Once their children have been out of the house for a while, many parents report feeling a newfound sense of purpose and excitement. You may finally have the circumstances to set and pursue personal goals.

It is perfectly normal to miss all the things associated with raising a family. At the same time, kids growing up and moving out can open exciting opportunities for your future. Don’t be afraid to move through the various emotions and stages of empty nest syndrome.

Why Empty Nest Syndrome May Lead Some Couples to Divorce

Often, raising a family provides spouses with a shared purpose and a sense of unity. When the kids are gone, moving forward as a couple can present unexpected challenges. Some couples make the difficult decision to end their long-term marriage.

In most instances, it is a combination of factors that influence an empty nester to choose divorce:

• Loss of connection: When children leave the house, parents may feel they no longer have a common interest and bond to keep them together.

• • Communication breakdowns: Effective communication is critical to the success of any marriage. Couples may find that, for years, all their communication centered around their kids. Now, they don’t know how to talk to each other or what to talk about.

• Shifting goals and roles: Some couples have different visions for the future and what their lives and roles after raising kids will be like. It may be that you each have distinct and incompatible goals for your retirement years.

• Unrealistic expectations: At times, spouses expect that as empty nesters, their relationship will automatically improve or they will instantly reconnect. When this doesn’t happen at once, they may feel disappointed and frustrated with each other.

Furthermore, some couples stay together for many years simply for the sake of the children. Once the common goal of raising a family has been met, some may feel it is time to move onward separately.

All this being said divorce is a serious decision that should never be made in haste. Even long-standing marital conflicts can sometimes be successfully resolved when both parties have a vested interest in preserving the relationship.

Tips to Successfully Cope With Empty Nest Syndrome

Adjusting to life without kids in the house may not be an easy feat for many couples.

However, there are a number of tactics that can ease the transition for you:

• Understand and address your emotions: Facing an empty nest can fill you with a range of emotions, and that’s perfectly normal. Life, as you know it, has changed, and you need time to adapt. Acknowledge your emotions and give yourself grace.

• Rekindle relationships: With the kids gone, this may be a wonderful chance to reconnect with old friends. It is also a great opportunity to deepen your relationship with your partner.

• Explore new hobbies: With your children living on their own, you now have time for new activities in your life. You might try gardening, learning a new language, or painting – anything that you have always wanted to do but never had the chance.

• Establish a self-care regime: As an empty nester, taking care of your physical and mental health is important. With the kids at home, you likely put yourself on the back burner for years. Now is the time to focus on your personal well-being – you’ll feel better for it.

• Set new goals: Goals will help you find purpose and meaning in life. Additionally, you may be able to pursue shared goals with your spouse. This may bring you closer together and positively impact your relationship.

• Find a support group: If you are struggling with being an empty nester, support groups can help you stabilize your life and put everything into perspective. What’s more, professional guidance can enable couples to successfully work through the challenges associated with an empty nest.

Each marriage is unique, and couples will cope with their feelings and emotions in different ways. Time and again, couples successfully navigate life after kids by being open and honest with each other. For some, this means preserving the marriage. Others, after various efforts, may opt for an empty nest divorce – realizing this is the best thing for their relationship.

Reach Out to Brown Family Law for Compassionate Support

Divorce can make you feel like the rug has been pulled out from beneath you. As empty nesters, if you and your spouse are considering a separation or have decided to divorce, you need knowledgeable and empathetic support.

The end of a long-term marriage can be emotionally taxing and financially complicated. The experienced Arizona divorce lawyers at Brown Family Law are here for you during this difficult time. Our legal team is adept at guiding couples through the divorce process with minimal conflict. Our goal is to help you start over with hope and confidence.

We are dedicated to helping our clients secure their family’s future. Please contact us for the help you need today. Call 208-987-7005 or use our online contact form to schedule a consultation. With Brown Family Law on your side, you can be optimistic about what comes next.

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